|
- HMMMMmm...? -
|
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
|
Dressed in armor
Shiny and pure
Atop a horse
That smelled of manure
"The freshest and best"
he told a few
"From King Midas's nest"
he told the rest.
He rode through the forest
Silent and strong
A brave knight
In shining armor.
Through the rain
As the goddesses wept
Through the snow
As the maidens swept
A chivalrous man
Atop a horse
Rode through the night.
Silent and strong
A brave knight
In shining armor.
The villagers wept
"Come back, dear boy!"
As he sailed through the gates of the town
One woman knew
As the tail swished goodbye
What was true
And why
He had fallen.
Silent and strong
This brave knight
In shining armor.
He rode through the sleet
He battled the hail
And met with the King
To say
"I come to serve you
For you glory, all sing!."
King's face turned away
The gold that fell from his lips
Turned to dirt on the ground.
A beating, a few whips.
"How'd you get in, you flits?"
Were enough to turn them around.
A lovely token.
But not for love.
And then she came to know.
That her knight
Strong and silent
A brave knight
In shining armor
Was not so.
| |
|
|
|
- -
|
Saturday, February 25, 2006
|
"Behind this smile is everything you'll never understand."
I love you
and I love your heart
Your smile
Your face
I love my life
And I know it's so wonderful.
And yet, I cry.
My parents have no excuse for what they do to me.
I want to crush them so often that it hurts ME now.
Why did it have to become like this?
We just used to love each other.
In silence.
COMFORTABLE silence.
But now my silence is questioned, and shattered.
My thoughts are jagged.
My every move has a hidden motive.
Why?
I am secretive but..............
Never cared about it this much.
It would all b e solved if you would just
Go to hell.
I don't understand what you said. I know what you meant, I exploded, and then i cried.
And nothing worked.
My toenails can be hidden within my shoes
But my heart doesn't hide.
And it opens with the tears.
"Every tear means something"
Means something MORE than my sensitivity.
Means something more than him.
Or for that matter, her.
I don't cry FOR you
I cry for the world.
I loved.
I was free.
And now you try to cage me.
And my heart.
I will fight your bonds
So lift your hands
I will fly away.
So lift your eyes.
What are you doing?
Following traditions and complying with your ancestors?
Your ancestors were shit.
No offense.
So look at me.
Look at my face.
I love you.
You help me.
But you need to let go of your beleifs
Your world
Your race.
I don't care if it defines you
It will no longer define me.
I HATE your sexist ancestors.
I hate your mother, dad.
Do you know what she thinks of me?
My mother?
My existence?
The fact that i am a girl?
What do you think?
"Thoughts choke less than tears."
I am stronger than you, I am strong in the mind, the heart, the body, but most importantly
I am strong in love
and strong in opinion.
My voice is soft
But it rings truer than I do.
| |
|
|
|
- Shooting down world philosophies? -
|
Friday, February 24, 2006
|
You don't always need to try harder.
Sometimes you are trying too hard.
| |
|
|
|
- -
|
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
|
Wrong approach. Totally wrong approach, Meems.
I know you didn't mean to criticize his choice of clothing but that's definetly how he took it.
Or maybe he just thinks your a freak, in which case, you've totally been overdoing the whole conversation making thing.
(Sorry, i was so bursting to say this to her face, but I was too nice to. )
Meems you totally blew it.
You are so goddamed wonderful when you aren't trying so hard.
You've gotta have fun with it.
See, all my friends =), they keep telling me to just go do it, but the thing is, it would be forced, unnatural, scary, and i wouldn't be showing myself.
Meems, you've got such a cool personality
Don't screw it up, please, I am begging you.
I don't see why ALL of you have to be so fake?
Why do you give a damn what your hair looks like?
Why do you give a damn if your mascara is smeared?
Are you going to die because the guy you like sees you with such a microscopic imperfection?
Do you actually think guys notice your hair?
Or mascara?
They DON'T!
You stand before the mirror criticizing yourself
And I stand beside you shaking my head sadly.
I accept defeat.
I don't want to try to make you change
Because face it: You aren't worth my time or mind.
I stand before the mirror and laugh
I am fine with my face
And I know that you only find problems if you stare too long.
The world doesn't revolve around you and your face and clothes.
It survives and you survive upon your mind and strenghths, your ability to love, and your warmth.
Never your face.
You've got to be kidding me, dear, I love your personality, but what are you doing to yourself?
What were you doing TODAY?
what the hell were you thinking?
Please, Meems, Please. For your own good.
| |
|
|
|
- -
|
Monday, February 13, 2006
|
The only one who knows my bad side is the one i have known for the shortest amount of time.
It was extremely surprising when she figured it out....
Figured out that everything she knew about me was a thick, false surface.
But luckily, I have become less self-conscious, and more..........LOUD! and expressive.
Not really, you think?
Well, then you've misjudged.
I was once a bitch, you know.
Hard to believe?
No one that knew me then would say that though. they wouldn't really remember it - only i know.
I was bad, with a good surface.
Now I'm good, with a rebelious surface.
I fight the stereotypical society
The polluters
The world ruiners.
I love what I can
And see through people's surfaces.
You can learn so much from just watching a persons face when they think that no one is watching them.
That smile might have been a big load of poo.
They might be crying
inside.
Watch
Dont judge immediately.
But don't give a damn for those stupid "Popular Shitheads"
sorry, that's my devil talking.
what else could PS's stand for?
lol. ;)
| |
|
|
|
- -
|
Sunday, February 12, 2006
|
Why do I feel like this?
It really gets painful.
Trapped inside my head.
I really want to find out, because what if its me?
But on the other hand, i don't want to know - what if it isn't me?
I think i would die.
I have taken this to a whole new level.
It isn't good.
I feel i could break down crying.
It was so much easier when i didn't.........
Tears won't come out.
I'm not even into the same things, but for one or two aspects.
I don't want to know.
What the heck would she think if i asked her?
I don't know her as well as others do
But i know the good side of her.
Becuase i am at least 70% thinking it isn't me
But 90% hoping it is.....
Where did the other ten percent go?
Maybe I feel the apprehension.
Maybe i know it wouldn't be right.
Maybe the contreversy that surrounds it.
Is not going to make life light.
If my parents knew anything
even if they knew about this blog
I'd be dead.
The 10% is my knowledge of the unknown.
Unknown.
Really?
Because how much do i know in the first place?
My glass shatters beneath pressure
My soul pours out onto the carpet
And there it stains
Not only my life
But yours.
Why must my glass
be so breakable?
Why must my soul
Not contain itself?
I don't defy laws of nature
Much less gravity.
What happened to me
Since the last time
P.E. - dodgeball
He said " No, you aren't out"
I said two words back "I'm not?"
Idiot that i was.
But that memory comforts me.
I have basis for my thoughts.
I have other memories too.
They shall help me along.
I want to strengthen my glass
It has been fragile for too long.
How do i?
Do you know?
Can you help?
| |
|
|
|
- -
|
Friday, February 10, 2006
|
This is the time when i need a friend the most, and god damn it, NO ONE i trust is home to talk to.
Help me.
My mind is whirling, i feel like shit.
I feel pain
But...........but what?
Why the hell do i feel like this?
Becuase that whole hour in the commons, i felt like i would DIE for him. I felt like commmiting suicide becuase i don't know if he likes me. I felt so goddam desperate.
And after a while, my head spinning, stomach burning, i really, REALLY wanted to cry. but i just couldn't get the tears out.
My heart melts when i see him.
I swear he is so goddam hot he would melt the snow.
I need to talk. Where is everybody?
And to think.
He is so nice
HOW THE HELL CAN SOMEONE THAT NICE BE A PUNK ROCKER?!
Don't get me wrong, i have NOTHING against them, it was just terribly surprising. And now i am screaming inside because i have never felt like this before.
WHAT IS GOING ON?
I need to talk. NOW. Ruthie, where are you??
Oh God Help Me.
I really wanto cry.
Help me.
Help me.
now.
I'm just wondering...
But do you think there's any particular reason he switched into all my classes?
I'm really scared.
I feel so sad.
What am i going to do?
I just got the hugest...........shock??
He was jumping up and down screaming along to AC/DC . He sounded good. He looked hot.
Now i know why that shitty Canyon always SUCKS UP to him.
*sigh*
I feel really knocked out.
The dance was fun.
I slow danced with dillon (friendly)
of course, i mean he's an 11th grader.
Angie, i'll tell you online becuase i know HE doesn't even come here. I mean, im not even sue he knows my name........
Henry. Yes, Henry.
The Punk Rocker, vegetarian, totally "quiet" really nice guy.
With the sort of long blond hair and really gorgeous blue eyes.
Yeah, him.
I know im being SO stereotypical and stupid with this, but i never thought punk rockers were that QUIET or that NICE. He's amazing.. and beautiful.
And i really need to talk.
Help?
And do you think there's anything in the fact that he switched into THREE of my four red day classes?
I don't.
I wish
I pray
I cry
But im so hopeless.
And i feel
like
an
idiot.
Help.
| |
|
|
|
- -
|
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
|
My beliefs have changed so much. And I love how they have:
When you fight, love your cause, not your enemies.
See through a persons surface. No matter how solid that surface is.
Grades and GPAs are bull shit.
You need to know what is really happening inside.
Your parents are no longer your guardians.
Half the time they stand in your way.
When a teenager, seize your rush. Use the adrenaline and the hormones.
When you are angry, be angry. If you bottle it up you are one step closer to death.
If you need to cry, it doesn't matter where the hell you are, just CRY! crying is good for you. it cleans irritants out of your eyes, calms you down, and realeases frustration.
Friends are supposed to listen. If they don't, ditch them.
If you can't talk comfortably with your friends, then don't torture youself by sticking around with them.
Dislike suck ups and phonies.
Dislike sexists, perverts, and show offs.
Dislike the people that think you are cool only if you are exactly like them.
Dislike hypocrites.
But never dislike yourself.
It's okay to lie.
It is not okay to call a person a retard. NEVER OKAY.
Keep secrets.
Love what you can.
Don't listen to all that a person tells you. If you think what they are telling you is wrong, It probably is. after all, you have been on this earth long enough to know a couple things too.
Creativity is not something to force out. It is something to flow out willingly when you want it to.
Know that no matter where you are, no matter how you feel, someone in this world is watching over you like a god. But it is a mortal.
| |
|
|
|
- -
|
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
|
A friend's obsession can move you quite a bit
but don't worry.
I wouldn't say no, of course
But I wouldn't sit and dream about him the whole day.
A boy is not worth my thoughts
If he doesn't live up to what's right.
He isn't quiet.
Or unique.
He is sweet and outgoing
But he displays no unusual kindness.
Today I found out how easy it is to ask out a boy.
Trust me, it's NOT what you think it is.
Though it might be nice to keep this a secret................
No, I didn't, you idiot.
I love you!
And I already told you ALL: IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK IT IS!
He is incredibly kind
Extremely quiet
-
-
-
Perfect eyes
Overly-long hair?
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Shut up! he does NOT look like a girl!
And for all you that think i asked a boy out today, i didn't but as a dare i had to ask this guy who he was going to the dance with.
He turned around, said :No one quite quickly and actually LOOKED AT ME EXPECTANTLY!
GOD DAMN IT IT WAS A DARE!
LOL
lmao
rotfl
I love my life
It is so wonderful
So amazingly close to perfect
Thank you friends
Thank you family
Thank you all that bring joy to my world.
It is YOU that I truly and forever shall love.
You are more important than any boy.
| |
|
|
