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Sunday, January 24, 2010
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I will be all right.
I'm so thankful for caffeine
Sometimes it's too hard to fail
Sometimes it's too easy to get immersed
To lose yourself in work
When you fail at something seriously important to you.
Which can lead to discovering other things about yourself
Which can lead to a lot of happiness
Which leads to pain over untouched nostalgia
Over the things you left because they ended
Or the people you left because they ended.
And hating it when you talk to someone who was your best friend two years ago
And he is so lost and only covering up for it, and you're the only one around you who can see it
Because youre one of the few people who actually knows him.
Are they having sex?
I don't want to know.
Because if anyone, anyone at all
Is not emotionally ready for it
it's him.
and it's her.
I don't even know how you would decide it
But i could think of a few people who definitely are ready
And some who just shouldn't go there until they can come to terms with some things about themselves
And not strip to insecurities and
Who aren't changing themselves every second of every day
Just to be "loved"
Because, sure, they might love who you are becoming for them
They may love what you do for them
But I know, and she knows
That when you break down crying because of a pizza
Something is majorly fucked up.
I'm so sick of it
People all have messed up lives, and dysfunctional families
But when you are lucky enough to have parents who love each other
And love you (and show it)
And give you everything you need
You can go and make it all sad
Just by not coming to terms with yourself.
Obviously it doesn't happen overnight
But there's something about Amir in the Kite runner: he was a coward, but HE KNEW IT
Obviously he had issues, but less than he could have.
Yay cruel warlords
And damsels driven mad
By obeying stupid orders,
By following their dads.
Yay depressed Princes
Who sit there thinking all the time
And don't actually do jack
To avenge their uncle's crime.
yay stupid poems
Written to waste away the time
To be spent on one's critical analysis
Instead of listening to 'do you remember' fifty times.
:D
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Friday, January 22, 2010
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this is NOT the way for life to be.
Every IB kid i know is sick right now. why? because not a single one of them has slept in, oh, weeks? Because every single IB kid is stressed out of their skull and it's killing their immune system.
What kind of an educational system is this SHIT? What the FUCK? We are literally sacrificing our sanity for some fucked up little diploma.
Oh, yeah people will say "well, if that's the way you feel then you obviously can't handle it and you should take normal classes".
But NO. you dont introduce us to this program and then expect us not to follow through.
Motivated kids are motivated for complicated reasons, and they don't give up when they can help it.
Its so stupid.
I am exhausted, and sitting here slaving over MUN shit for competition tomorrow, when lo and behold i discover my partner is "sick" and not coming tomorrow (aka she had a bitch fight with some other chick on MUN and is feeling bitter), oh and she wont even send me her policy paper and research? so im...supposed to do it myself? NO. I have NOT slept this week, and i am NOT wasting myself on this. i swear to god. If it doesnt work out, i will literally ditch the stupid BYU MUN conference and roam around provo for the day. I can't do this.
I understand why some kids do drugs like no other - sometimes its the only escape you have time for?
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Tuesday, January 05, 2010
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Have you seen chasing liberty?
Well, the boy in it is the same guy from Leap Day.
He is severely attractive
And especially cute when he is acting.
I don't expect a guy like that - its a stupid idea.
I am just So tired of that one extremely, horribly, SICKeningly creepy guy. I can't believe myself.
I've literally been changing my route of walking around the school just to avoid crossing paths with him. He makes me fucking sick. And why is he so socially inept??
JESUS.
Oh, today this (other) dude told me that one of his friends once jacked off into alex nichols' milkshake, and then alex drank it and said it was delicious, and he wanted to get another one.
wtf? okay, the kid is annoying, but that is seriously so low to sink. and ewwww.
Besides, that's their perception of funny...again, wtf?
I'm tired of boys who are needy(v), who lack balls(s), who play around(r), and who i dont like (the world). (Just kidding :P)
I'm so sick of the cold now, too. I really really need to run, or play sports outside. My body has been craving it for over a month, now. But its frigid and the inversion is making the air so shitty. I try to convince my parents to get me a gym membership at the U, where its cheaper for the children of faculty....but they haven't agreed. I would, but i have no money.
Basically, im eating my weight in jank every day :P
well, thats how it feels at least......
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h2Han2I7Uic
thurrr... lets feel sentimental for a mo'.
I'm so sick of everything.
"Think of me, sometimes, when the Alps and ocean divide us, --but they never will, unless you wish it."
-Byron 1819
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Friday, January 01, 2010
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I don't know what to think of myself. I'm not proud... I feel pathetic. I feel like, even though my mom is a bitch, I should have honored their trust. But I guess what's done is done.
I want to do stuff that i actually like but its as though theres no time for that anymore. people are creepy, annoying, overdone, overused, and conceited. I don't want to deal with those people.
one of said people used almost 200 of my family's total shared 400 cell minutes.. for the month. asshole. he isn't even my fucking friend.
people
are
so
selfishhhhhhhhhhhhhh
the only person who's allowed to use up too many minutes is I, calling you. that cant happen now...i dont know what to do. Can you write me a really long email with deets? idk....maybe you can call my home fone? cuz i cant do ladline longdistance calls....dunno if you can....ahhhgh
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