|
- caffeinated -
|
Friday, August 20, 2010
|
The sun here is blue, a bright, quivering, blazing blue teardrop, because all the yellow is scattered and muffled by layers of thick clouds. The cows have owners, and healthy, glossy glows to them. They dociley stop traffic and graze out of dumpsters. In the early mornings, you can hear the birds and the crickets raising cain in their limited period of solitude. When i run in the mornings, the sunlight spreads slowly over the Chamundi temple hill, like drifting melted butter, a slow, warm yellow glow. I saw a macaw this morning, on a college campus. Only here, man ;).
I also found the most peaceful place on earth, a few days ago. Or should I say, the most peaceful state of being, because it was a combination of factors. It was right after a delicious, heavy lunch, my body was completely quiet inside, and i went out to the big, marble verandah of my dad's father's house, and swung, trancelike, on the big oak swing, pushing against this spot on the metal decorative work under the banister in front of the swing to keep my momentum going. There's this place where my big toe fits perfectly, and I kick off the wall from there. Sitting on the swing, the vista is of tall, swaying, lustrous palm trees, and hawks hovering in slow, lazy circles on thermals rising from houses and the thali pond and temple nearby.
I sat there, and I resolved that it's time for me to be rooting the people out of my life who bring me down and sap my energy. For moments of rare total peace like that one, I would give a lot. And the best I can do is bring myself as close as possible to that kind of state of calm every day of this coming year.
but its not going to happen. who am i kidding? We are 17 year old girls in big highschools. Shit's gonna keep happening, we just have to keep our heads over the mess and keep breathing.
And, i never bought that crap about staying true to oneself, because people are so dynamic that that really doesnt apply. But, I'm discovering every day, that more and more of that is true. I'm all for relativistic morals, but there is an extent to which you've got to look at whether you could be hurting people and just stop.
| |
|
|
2 Comments:
sounds lovely, babe :) ahhhh i'm kind of jealous, the one thing i do miss about taiwan was the colors and the smells and even the air seemed so..different. are you back?!?!? also, i think you tried to call me last night (which either means that a) you're back, or b) you spent a shitload of money placing an international call which i didn't pick up)? mehhh, sorry i missed you call :(
and i honestly think our lives in general are far too busy to ever achieve that kind of nirvana...sometimes i think i burn calories from sheer stress. which is always nice, but i digress. but at the end of the day, a good amount of introspection is always necessary to build a functional relationship with anyone. so long as you're pointing the finger at someone else, nothing ever really gets solve. being content is probably more difficult than being happy or at peace...like, there are certain aspects of my life that could improve, and there's also the problem of me being a pessimistic bitch, but overall i'm okay with my life. not overly thrilled, but okay.
haha, just wait til senior year starts (a week for me...shit), then i'll seriously hate myself.
i love you and miss you, we NEED to talk. good? great.
IM BACK and you did miss my call ho
Post a Comment
<< Home