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Thursday, July 03, 2008
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hahaaha
so the Indian Cultural Center will be built soon, and people in the community are raising funds and publicizing it and all...today, one of our family friends spoke on the radio about it. so he's been chatting with the interviewer for a while, and i walk into the room where the radio is and lo and behold! the first thing i hear is "um..yes, and we will be building classrooms in the center, to be used for SAT prep...and other things" And i just CRACKED UP, in front of my dad and everything, and I just couldn't hold my tongue...so I said "Yeah, that's what Indian CULTURE is"
hahahahahaha
and i laughed and to my surprise my dad started laughing too, instead of berating me for not appreciating my culture, as he usually does.... it was great :)
then five minutes later he walks into my room and gives me a lecture about how "You can have your little laugh and all that, but your future is important, blahblahblahblah," yes, yes, i will drive you to south jordan every day for the next three years for SAT prep.....well he didn't say that, but honest to god they have great potential for the indian cultural center if they put some actual effort in. I did Bal Vihar (kind of like Hindu sunday school) when i was much younger, and it BORED me to TEARS...so much that my parents let me quit
however, Sunday schools at local churches seem to get much better responses from children...Maybe we can take a few tips from them or something, eh?
My parents can pretend they're very dedicated to their culture...they USED to be...when we were one of the few indian families in utah (wayyyy back in the day) we went to every function, no matter how far away it was. Then, stuff started coming up - for one, i started comp soccer...None of the other indian kids played sports, so i was pretty singular in that. My parents got busier, my sister was born - hell, they've got plenty of excuses. I regret not going to anything for one reason alone - i had some REALLY good indian friends that i met at bal vihar, and now we've totally blown apart and fallen out...you know..
on the rare occasions we do attend functions, all the kids i used to be best buddies with pretty much ignore me, and the shy ones are too scared to talk to me.
My dad says with pride and envy (and a little guilt) " Sneha (the radio friend) says he's raising his daughters to be 'true indians'....teaching them not to hide their culture and identity"
...well, i said, "What does he mean by 'true indian' ?" but my dad had walked away by then.
honestly, i didn't come to really accept my cultural background until this year. And it happened this year because i became good friends with some bangladeshis at my school, and started making fun of indians with them. I've discovered i can do a hilarious indian accent, and youtube has some FUNNY shit, and bollywood can be made fun of an infinite amount :). So i didn't accept my culture until i ridiculed it, and I heartily doubt Sneha can convince his girls to love their race just by raising them as 'true indians'. Hell, i KNOW his girls, the older one and i used to be good friends. They are about as truly indian as i am, possibly less (and that's sayin somethin). Just like me, they don't even speak their "mother tongue" at home. BIGASS deal
A few things still really piss me off about being indian....that whole SAT prep thing? SHEEYIT! good GOD, way to promote a stereotype! It always pisses me off when people assume I'm smart because I'm Indian. In the past, this stereotype has caused me to doubt MY OWN talents, thinking 'oh my god, I'm only smart because my mother forces me to do math in the summer!'. The only talent that i felt i could take personal pride in was my writing, because it was the only subject my parents DIDN'T coach me in....The only subject where I excelled without pressure...The only subject where I'd hear "Great, you can write, but don't become a writer...you won't make any money"
This Indian-parent attitude is the subject of many jokes (second only to arranged marriages). When kids stereotyped me as the smart Indian kid, the one thing that saved me other than my writing was my athleticism. I remember walking along the sidewalk with my Indian friend, fifth grade, Rowland Hall...A soccer ball bounced off the field, so i picked it up and dropkicked it back to the kids...it was a nice enough kick...The boys' mouths literally dropped open.
I have my dad to thank for that. He introduced me to soccer, and even coached my team until I turned eight.
I can only conclude that my dad's cool. hahaha. But confused. He had dreams and i know for a fact he still has some...When we're alone together, he talks to me about stuff like that, that he wouldn't discuss with my mom (because she wouldn't understand or agree). He was obsessed with engineering and electronics when he was a kid, always experimenting in his basement and everything...Which leads me to believe that he actually followed his heart in his career choice..which is pretty motivating. However I also think that as the youngest child, my dad had strong familial attachment, which always partially inhibited him in his decisions. There's also the effect of growing up as a rare rich man in a third world country - you see poverty every day, and you'd give up pretty much anything not to fall into it.
But I still always thought it would be motivating if i became the first Indian-American professional soccer player, or one of the few Indian-American authors...My parents have completely crushed the first dream - the only way I'm even still PLAYING soccer is with the highschool team, because they refuse to drive me to games or practices. And I'd be....like...disowned if i tried to acheive the second.
But my life is still partially up to me...I have already made decisions that my parents don't agree with, and i will in the future...But whatever I do, I want to be happy. Because I would drive myself NUTS doing something i really didn't want to do my whole life.
wow what a huge rant. I'm in severe pain from the lack of wisdom teeth and I've been pigging out on pudding! and i rented Garden state but i had to stop watching it after five minutes because it was making me sad and uncomfortable (when i was already sad and uncomfortable from the tooth removal).....and tomorrow, i have to go to my grandfather's death commemoration. Instead of having fun. blah, its okay, no complainin
I will chillax tonight with a nice book, and hope that my cheeks shrink overnight!
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2 Comments:
haha. so i'm not the only one with the crazy mother who makes her children do math over the summer? yess. :]
kamala, i don't know what you want to do later in life, but promise me you won't sacrifice doing something you actually love to please your family. that's like sabotage. i can almost guarantee that you will be unhappy.
and your dad is pretty cool, and i didn't know that story about the drop kick! haha you'll have to teach me someday, so even if i can't play soccer to save my life, i can say i have a decent drop kick.
i think that many immigrants experience the whole "stay true to your culture" deal. i know for a fact that abc's (american born chinese) do...i used to go to chinese school when i was a kid (like all chinese families do) but dropped out after a year or so (this is why i can't read or write chinese, only speak). every time i go back to taiwan, it's like culture shock, and there are many chinese traditions that i have to get used to. elders are to be respected. you never, ever sit when an elder, ESP. grandma or grandpa, is standing. you offer them food first. also, women traditionally are to cook and clean. when i was there, i always helped in the kitchen and set the table. and the most important thing of all is to OFFER to do these things. you don't wait to be told to it, unless you're an idiot and want to be smacked round the head.
out of all three of us, i think caleb appreciates asian culture most. probably because of the food. hahaha. daniel is a hopeless case and now can hardly comprehend what people are saying to him in chinese. i don't really know about me...
aaaah long post...sorry. but that's sad about soccer. i don't think you should quit the high school team. you have such athletic talent, and just because the odds are improbable doesn't mean they are impossible. and even if your parents don't think you'll make it, i def. think you could if you really wanted to.
that's all my inspiration for now :]
ta!
kamala ganesh. your life is never 'partially' up to you, and if you ever forget that i might just have to beat your goddamn brains in.
p.s. I FOUND BLACK SWAN GREEN
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