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Wednesday, October 31, 2007
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heyyyyy
i just got back from trick or treating
it was soooo much fun!!!!!
it makes me realize...that the times that we are happiest are when we are with our friends!
im feeling like throwing up after my nutritious reeses cup dinner
OH MY GOD
OH MY GOD
IM SO
FUCKIN
EXCITED!
so after a painful five month wait, i get to play my first soccer gamee this saturday at 6 pm! i am literally counting the hours! i love soccer so much!
im thinking about trying out for west bball too. like, just for fun, cuz ive never played it for real before. ive always been good at basketball when i play just against my friends, and i know i am a natural athlete andi have ball sense, but i dont know how far just those skills can get me. ah itll be funny to see what happens. it is just for fun, cuz i probly wouldnt have time for it anyway, because im playing indoor soccer november through december (YAY)
had a great day today
also a kind of epiphanetic (word?) one.
so in my creative writing class, the teacher asks us to read our work out loud, voluntarily. and honestly, i think that ruins writing. i think that some things can only be truly felt to the full emotional capacity of the work if they are read rather than heard. it takes a really skilled person to read a piece with its deserved emotion, and no highschooler that i know has that kind of skill. some writing is just not meant to be read out loud.
anyways, h appy halloween!
love
pax
- kammmm
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Sunday, October 14, 2007
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I don't know if just not trying is going to get me anywhere
Just not caring, it would be, because i guess i dont really try.
What matters to me... is that you noticed me. Despite being the object of every affection, I still stood out.
At least a little.
You weren't like everybody else. You weren't charming. You weren't out there. You weren't drop-dead gorgeous. You weren't open.
It was interesting.
Loving you is like loving myself. And its easier trapped in a beautiful body.
It's easier knowing that people like us aren't trapped inside all the time.
It's easier knowing that you know what i mean.
It's like feeling yourself in a mirror.
It's like watching you react.
It's the little twitch of your lip that never happens
The little falter in your gaze that never was
I see someone so old inside you...that doesn't know how to get out.
I see someone afraid to feel
I see someone who can feel... but doesn't let go
I see someone afraid to love
I see someone shudder with pleasure every time he's touched
I see someone's dry wit shine through the emotions on the surface
I see someone so fragile he has to pretend he doesn't care
And i feel myself
And that's different.
At least a little.
I can let my lower organs tingle
And my stomach roll acidly
I can let my eyes roam your stoic exterior
And my soul your glass-like heart
I can let your very essence blend with mine
And glow with every glance that falls lazily my way like a dead autumn leaf
Tapping gently against my bare core, a ripped piece of life
And stirring me down to there.
I can let auras and thoughts and paranoia engulf me, gently, like the soft breeze in your hair, ruffle, cool, wash over me gently
I can dream of kisses and cold hands on warm bodies
I can watch you make eyes at that beautiful blonde.
I can hope like I've never seen a boy before
I can hope like the stars that squeeze through the dark clouds
I can fall, like the petals that go unseen.
And lay at your feet in a soft pink carpet
To warm the tips of your toes
To the tip of your nose
To feel better about everything I ever was
To hope every laugh that escapes my lips
Exists for nothing more
Than to brighten your eyes.
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Friday, October 05, 2007
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the reasons im having second thoughts about soccer have nothing to do with the sport itself
i love soccer
so it pisses me off that people have to be like this
but honestly, i CANNOT talk to them. i just cant. they are the kind of people i just DONT open up around.
i mean when i was 10-12 we got along fine
but then everyone started feeling the need to become popular
a. You have NO RIGHT WHATSOEVER to look down on someone because they arent popular
b. You have NO RIGHT to poke fun at someone because they are quiet
c. You have NO RIGHT to talk about someone behind their back
d. You have NO RIGHT to treat someone like shit just because they are "below you" even though they talk to you and try to be your friend
end
of
story
yeah im still going to play
i totally wont quit what i love for them
but im not doing the tournament in st george because its no fun when you dont get along with anyone. u have no one to hang with
oh and one more thing
you all tell me im quiet.
oh REALLY
i never NOTICED
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