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- Things I cannot handle right now -
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Friday, September 28, 2012
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Life is beautiful. It's a matrix of perfect moments that meander and somehow find their cozy little niches in time. The spreading scent of a wet flower bush beside the dimly lit path behind lambeth field, the rise of orange-stained clouds, filled with lightning, over the hazy darkness of our little bubble-town. Sweet teriyaki sauce and free lattes in the rain, hikes through webs of sunlight and glowing green foliage, with a deciduous carpet cushioning our unsteady footsteps; ending in a jarringly cold, bright pool full of children and puppies. Scary movies with friends, and books full of knowledge. Professors who give more than a shit about teaching, and friends who give more than a shit about each other. Writing articles, playing and talking with friends, running, good food and good chocolate and coffee everywhere.
Unsettling: Not having my baby here when I feel like I'm splitting at the seams with useless, restless energy, kicking to get our of my limbs and my mind and my soul; it is so restless. I want knowledge and I want freedom. Knowledge is freedom, or so they say; but somehow I find this routine that we expect to bestow us with knowledge to be self-defeating, limited pay-off, and shackling to the bone. I want to hike the mountains, and camp in the wilderness. Wake up in the sunrise to swim in cold pools and smell leaves mating gaudily. Feel warm embraces and grow comfortable with everyone who I want to embrace, but am too scared to with all my little walls. I need a family away from a family I never had, and my one family lives in another state.
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