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- For one so small, you seem so strong -
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Monday, June 18, 2007
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I often think about my parents and how they feel about their lives so far. it's such a fascination for me because I like to surmise what they regret and what they enjoy...would they go back and live their lives all over again? Would they pursue something that had been an optional path when they were younger?
Spending the weekend with my cousin and her husband, I noticed how happy they are together. I noticed how if one of them is feeling down the other can cheer them up nonverbally. While my parents patience and love is tested more and more each day, month, year into their marriage, my cousin and her husband grow closer as time progresses.
The explanation for this would be that my parents marriage was arranged. I never before thought it was a big deal - my parents seemed like any other. Sure, they didn't hug or kiss....ever, but when i was younger, i didn't notice or care about that. As i got older, they started to fight more. Now, it's almost every day, my mom being a cruel nagging whore and my dad trying to patch everything up while maintaining his dignity... a mere miracle when you're dealing with my mother.
As i entered my teenage years i entered that phase of really pondering love, and i began thinking about my parents love. I feel that the best way to describe their love is like a brother and sister on a "cease fire". That really doesnt sound nice, i notice.
My mother once said "you can learn to love". It's true. If you force people together for multiple years, they will learn to love, for it is in the nature of a human being to do so. But there will be unhappiness in the people, and thus in the people who live with them... in my parents case, their children. My cousin and her husband don't fight. They talk easily, their personalities are compatible, they love one another. My parents fight, they have the ability to talk easily but too much comes between them, and their personalities aren't compatible. Neither is there any true love between them, as they did not choose one another. They merely accepted one another.
Which brings me to say that your choices are your life. They can make or break it, they can make you love it or make you hate it. My mother always goes off on rants of how her life has been ruined, how she never got to do all that she has wanted to...how she had me too early, how she was "forced" to have me... she ruined her own goddam life and i am so fucking tired of her.
I am so mother fucking tired of how i have to put up with the results of my parents arranged marriage. I am so tired of never seeing actual love.
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12 Comments:
i'm tired of it too.
america is filled with 'ruined lives' and superficial relationships, arranged marriage or not.
between father and son, between brothers, between married couples..
but there is love
where we don't expect to find it.
among our age group for example
where people are growing up together and finding what makes them, them. together.
and that is real love
whether it is marked by teasing and bullying and throwing things at one another..
it is real love
and it is with us every day . =)
k i just realized how cheesy that sounded.
point being, i loooooove you and i'm too tired to say that without a whole lot of violin music in the background.
LOL
come to the SLAM!!!!
lol esp the teasing and bullying and throwing things at each other
so how WAS it
kamala,
its you
well, this is me... (molly)
and as per annas request, my blog shall soon no longer be a virgin, so you should come see it
maybe not, cuz itll be weird
but that post was like sooo uber deep
didnt know you had it in you... jk
love ya
molly
same to you, duchess josephine
:P
ya as i said i am here para ti. ur last post makes me worry
hey hun, i haven't updated my blog in sooo long
umm..yeah, i'm really sorry about your parents, my parents are kinda like that too, even tho their marriage wasn't arranged. but, really, no marriage is perfect, it has its ups and downs and if u really do love each other at the end of the day, then i guess its worth it....as for me, i'm learning from everybody else's mistakes and swearing off relationships until something actually worthwhile comes along. besides, relationships at our age are full of shit anyways. hunny, don't let ur rents get u down, k?
yea i know what youre saying
theyre not worth it till theyre older/more mature
maybe thats why im always falling for older guys :P
u know theres something weird about how when ur just friends with a guy, u don't have the kind of fights that rip u apart... i think that ppl make the difference between friend and boyfriend too large...i dunno
nyways
hey my cuz asked for my blog adress...but since i use this to bitch on my family im not sure i should give it to him :p
what do you think
erm. no...but u can give him mine hahaha...jk. but if u do end up giving it to him u betta erase all the posts which u DID bitch about ur fam...but then u might not feel comfortable actually expressing ur thoughts freely on here, which could be a prob. erm. idk...
yeah exactly
but guess what
i now have a website!
i WILL give that to him
and to you
it hasnt got nything except all the programming shit i was learning on it, but it soon will have some grrrrrreat stuff
thekamala.net
<3
it was funny tho
we were talking in the pool like i told u about and he was like "yeah, i like reading blogs. my friends write interesting blogs"
and i was like "do you have a blog"
and hes like "no. do you"
and i nodded and hes like "What's the adress"
and then i just kinda froze and i was like.
"uh... you mean the URL"
and hes like yeah
and i just smiled and started talking about Kajal
k that was a lame story
i have a better one
so while in chennai (city in india)
we went to this old archealogical site, where all this stuff was carved into big chunks of rock that were left behind by the ocean when the ocean was larger
and when we went it was SO GODDAM HOT
i swear it was like 105 degrees and 90 percent humidity as well
so i was absolutely dying in my back cast, so i took it off, and guess what.
Hari silently takes the cast from me, takes the hat off his head and puts it on mine, and then folds up my cast and puts it on his head.
lets hear ur reaction
:D
ZOMG HAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
ZOMG
thats so cute...<3
hahah. are u sure he doesn't have feelings for u..?
oh and btw
if he really wanted to find ur blog, he could, there's this thing on google thats called "blog search" and he could basically type in ur name in that and see what comes up...just saying...
buahaha
i'm gonna go to ur website now...heehee.
ONE DAY!!
try my website again
cuz ifixed the "Am i cool thing" so that it doesnt let u on my site until u answer yes
:D:D:D
p.s. if u have a firefox browser, the site works better w/ firefox. if not it does open w/ IE but the am i cool pop up is a little funky
and yeah, i dont think he has feelings for me... i dont know the whole things kinda weird
i feel bad for him, because we were talking about his old girlfriend in one of our pool chats and he was like "yeah...we split up because i was moving for work"
and then the next day i asked him some more about her (i think all my interest in her might have made him know i like him :P) but nyways he told me that she's already married...
and they had only broken up a few months ago
i dunno he was joking around about it but he seemed sad, and that girl sounds like a bitch
u know that survey question "have u ever watched the sunrise with someone you love?"
well, two days in a row, with him.
its incredibly scary to think he can find my blog
i hope hes too busy to remember i have one
ONE DAY!!!!!!!!!:o:o:o:o:o
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
<3
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